Day Two, in Which the Narrator Attempts to Pass for a Local

My sleep schedule having been obliterated long ago, I woke at about seven a.m. After eating breakfast, I decided to kill time with a predawn walk. One might think that wandering in a foreign city alone, in the dark, would meet study a abroad adviser's definition of "unsafe behavior."

One would be completely correct. In any event, I had a mission. The constant, instant labeling as an American by the locals (as deserved as it was) had motivated me. I wanted to successfully have an interaction with a Czech and have him or her come away with the impression that I was a local. As I speak no Czech, this was no mean feat. I would have to successfully make an initial impression that didn't disqualify me from being Czech, and then artfully maintain the deception through a series of well-timed grunts and noncommittal noises, all with the air of someone not merely confident in his environment, but utterly bored by it. I knew that my age and American shoes would work against me while my last name (clotted with Slavic consonants), closely-cropped hair, and ability to project cynicism as a facial expression would help me.

My target was the hapless cashier of the Tesco Express around the corner. I strode into his store from the predawn inclemency as though I had done it a thousand times before. As though I had any idea what a Tesco Express sells. I paused in front of a display of milk (mléko) and surveyed it disdainfully before, with blind decisiveness, selecting a bottle. I placed it on the counter and nodded to the clerk. There was a moment of tension in which I waited expectantly.

Success. He let loose a brief burst of incomprehensible Czech and rang up the milk. I watched the display for the amount of crowns and paid with a banknote, responding to a sustained enfilade of Czech with a grunt. It sailed through beautifully. I took my change, and brusquely marched out the door, relishing the simple Czech farewell that followed me into the darkness.

I drank my victory milk at a tram stop and watched kids across the street throw snowballs at one another in the rising light.

New Vocab: ahoj (hello), mléko (milk), pardon (excuse me)